The following was written by Brett, but I could not resist adding my own footnotes ...
Finally I get to guest-write a blog post so what do you think the topic will be? Babies of course.
We were lying on the couch Friday night watching a movie when Sanjay Gupta (our unborn offspring
*) decided to start kicking my wife in the stomach (that's my boy!). While fetuses around the world perform this amazing feat on a daily basis I'm pretty sure this little guy wanted to come out and play with Dad after his best "Alien" like womb exit. An alternate, albeit far-fetched explanation would be that the little man was experiencing a sugar rush from the cheesecake Kajal had recently devoured. Regardless of the reason, for the first time I was able to feel his feeble attempts to escape the womb - pretty crazy stuff. You know what else is pretty crazy? Pregnant girls (that was a great transition sentence right? I’m a natural writer). Some of the latest doses of crazy:
1. Kajal bought a book on baby sign language
** - despite the fact that our baby will have the brain power of a
squirrel for the first year of his life, my wife wants to teach him sign language so he can communicate his needs without speaking. My first reaction was "what are we raising here, Coco the magical signing monkey?" But upon further review I have two main issues with this:
a) How do you write a whole book about this? - I mean aren’t there like 4 things a baby would want to tell you? "Change me", "I'm hungry", "My gums hurt", and "I'm not smiling, that was gas."
b) Even if we are successful and the little crumb snatcher learns these signs why would he ever start talking? I mean a guy could live a pretty satisfying life using just those signs (up until he has to start interacting with girls and talking about feelings).
2. Nesting - I thought this phase was over with the
curtains but with only 20 weeks of pregnancy left she has become obsessed with rearranging and cleaning our apartment in preparation for the little pooper. She has not actually started cleaning or becoming neater; she instead feels the need to constantly remind me that this needs to be done soon.
3. Maternity shopping – On the way home from Sunday's
Dim Sum she dragged me to Old Navy
*** to buy clothes since she has outgrown most of her pre-prego clothes. In the piles of pre-Christmas wreckage, we miraculously found some extra short maternity jeans. Her reaction – “They make my butt look big. I'm going to the Gap before I commit to these jeans”. Yeah, because even during pregnancy, comfort is pointless if guys no longer check out your booty.
Even with all the crazy things she does I love my wife and her new Buddha belly. And the hormones do seem to have the positive side affect of making her actually like babies (as long as they aren't crying). Next thing you know she’ll be playing with old people and puppies.
*a) We will not be finding out the sex; and b) Its name will not be Sanjay Gupta.
**a) It was half-off at the Barnes and Noble closing sale at Astor Place, so for $6, I’ll teach myself the signs even if it doesn’t work with the baby; and b) It’s supposed to make your kid a
better communicator, which will only be harder with the introduction of Brett’s communication skills into the gene pool.
***For $90, I got 2 sweaters, 3 long sleeve t-shirts, 1 sweatshirt, and a pair of jeans (all maternity was 40% off!). When comfort has such a small price tag, there's not much room for style. Since I’m not willing to spend $200 on fancy jeans, you must excuse my 1991 baggy-jean-mom-butt look. They pull right on like jammies (no zipper or button) and come in S-M-L, rather than real people sizes. I am highly confident that if men were able to bear children, jeans would inexpensively come in waist / length measurements, a variety of washes, multiple leg-fit options, and maybe even extra pockets for snacks. As a woman, I must suck it up and wear sweatpants made of denim.
